Archive for ‘Trust’

February 16, 2014

The Trust Factor ….. Is That X or Y

 

Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, its been a little rough since my last post and I have a great deal of time to think about what I wanted to post and well I kept coming up short. My own personal moments all but took over my ability to focus, think and get shit done – I have decided to use a partial journal entry (yes pen and paper….a real journal) as my post.

I would ask only that anyone who reads this post that they not feel pity, sadness or any negative emotion I am just sharing how I feel/felt and I am working this out.

“Busted! Last night I was laying in bed not able to sleep playing this dumb little no-mind gam when I get this email….from my husband. I open it and discover he’s asked out another woman for a hike just the two of them, I have to admit I couldn’t believe what I was reading. In addition, yesterday he had received a text message from the bitch telling him what she was doing etc. and when I asked him who was texting him on a Sunday morning he smiled that big smile and told me someone from work and wouldn’t give me a name I knew at least it was a woman judging by the fucking dance he was doing about not wanting to tell me who it was. Saturday, as I sat here like an asshole waiting for him to come back from the gym I now have figured out he was out with her, he said he was “test driving vehicles – we are in the process of buying a vehicle”. I think my sweet husband decided that I was at the gym (how would I know) and met up with her and they went for lunch, hold on it gets better and then he went to her place for coffee? Yes, he did admit that! I woke my husband up at 1:15am this morning because I couldn’t believe what I had received and was actually reading. Of course he says he has done nothing but really my gut is telling me something different. I feel so very hurt and sad and mad about this I can barely stay focused.”

So, what does it all mean? Haven’t got a clue but I figured out that if your love for someone is strong than it is possible to accept that anyone even the greatest love of your life can have a ‘slip’ and forgiving is part of that love. I am loyal to a fault so this feels 20x worse than just feeling bad 😦 I have decided to try to trust him and enjoy him the way that I want too, of course I believe that I will always have my doubts and that this situation may rear its ugly head at the most inappropriate times but my love for him is so great that I am willing to forgo the ugly possibilities.

Am I the X or the Y….I think the X.

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